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Spanking - spin off of Pearls

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Postby Snowreen » Tue Mar 02, 2010 10:21 am

I understand this could get heated but I just am trying to understand spanking and why people choose to.

**I edited this post to make some of my questions less rhetorical and less judgmental.***

We don't spank for many reasons. One of the reasons is that I don't believe in inflicting pain to make a point or to discipline.

Do you spank? If you do, why do you spank?

Is the point of spanking supposed to inflict pain!?

What does the bible say about spanking and is that a reason why you do?
Last edited by Snowreen on Tue Mar 02, 2010 4:17 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Postby craftyblah » Tue Mar 02, 2010 10:29 am

I do believe in spanking. However, nothing like what I read the Pearls encouraging.

My beliefs are this....

Spanking should be controlled and never done in anger. (ie, set number of swats and never more)

You should never leave a mark on the child.

Spanking should be reserved for willful disobedience. Not character or personality issues. Also grace should be extended. If the child is truly repentant, that should be taken into consideration. Yes, sometimes I think a spanking should be delivered even if the child is repentant.

The parent should explain why the child is receiving the discipline. Just with any others, time outs, taking away items, grounding, etc.

Love must always be shown. A hug/kiss or the like should be given. The child should never have to wonder if mom/dad no longer loves them. But again, this goes with any discipline.

I much prefer to take a gentle approach, unless the situation calls for it. Looking back on my childhood, I received only a handful of spankings and plan on the same with my kids.

And like you Maureen, I don't see a swift single swat as a spanking. In the toddler/preschool years, this is often the best way to get the child's attention. It's hardly enough for them to feel, but usually snaps them out of whatever they are doing.
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Postby Momtoboys » Tue Mar 02, 2010 10:52 am

In our house it depends on the offense. Normally we just use the 1 2 3- time out method, but once in a while my strong willed child just doesn't obey and he needs a swift swat. I guess that's as much as the spanking goes. There were a few times when Isaac was really pushing his limits that I did it out of anger, not hard of course but I realized it was more of a temper tantrum for me then it was with him and now we have a good system going with the 1 2 3. It's even working well with Caleb and he's not even 2 yet. I don't believe in spanking with anything other than the hand and even in that case it has to be for major offenses. My dh was spanked with a belt but I was only spanked with the hand and only a few times that I remember. I don't understand how people can use anything but the hand, and dh's family is very Christian.
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Postby BrownEyedGirly » Tue Mar 02, 2010 10:57 am

I am very torn over this too, Mo! I was not "spanked" as a child. Never. I did get a swift swat to my bum every now and then, but never was it a "let's get out the belt and come over here" type thing. I believe there are other methods that can and should be utilized way before a spanking is used, if it ever is at all.

I have swatted KJ's hand or bum but I would not consider this "spanking". I do not plan to use spanking as a discipline method for any of my children. If they are that defiant I would go get counseling before I'd hit them. I have seen this type of discipline over used and abused too often. I know myself and my husband. We would not discipline out of anger and that is where spanking would come from for us. Therefore, it is not a healthy option for our family.

Oh, as far as Bible stuff... I think most point to the verse in Proverbs that says "Spare the rod; spoil the child." Well, I'd rather have a spoiled child then I guess! :tongue:

Mo, I am emailing you an article... ;)
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Postby BrownEyedGirly » Tue Mar 02, 2010 11:08 am

Here is the article I sent to Mo, just one side of things. I'm sure there is plenty on the other side too!

http://www.newsweek.com/id/116788
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Postby mcginnisc » Tue Mar 02, 2010 11:17 am

The definition of spanking is: a number of slaps on the buttocks as a form of punishment...

My take is this: if you swat once- it's a spanking by definition, so... even if you say " we don't spank, but we swat on the hiney once or twice- you are in fact spanking.

There is a line between spanking and abuse in my opinion. I have 2 VERY willful little girls. Lilly is now 4 and has discovered having a smart mouth. She tells me " no, I won't do it.." " I don't want to "... and " I don't care" quite often these days.. Karli is 19 months old and while she doesn't smart off, she deliberately disobeys- climbing onto things that can injure her quite quickly as she is so tiny. She will climb onto the end of the couch, and I pull her off, and we will do this at least 5 times consecutively until I get fed up and put her in her room after a swat on the diaper. After about a minute, I will go get her and darned if we don't start the process over again. She is soooo very stubborn! Her new thing is to use the drawers in her dresser as steps and climb to the top and stand on the top of it! I swear this child is going to be the death of me before I'm 35! ( next month)
We do not use our hands on Lilly- we have a bolo paddle in her mailbox on her door. If it is a grave offense ( as in the mouth has become impossible to deal with) she'll get a swat on the hiney. She never gets more than 3 swats...ever. It is very rare that she gets more than one if any. Time outs do NOT work with her.... nor does taking toys away. I've threatened to take everything out of her room before, but that would be more punishment for me than her since I'd be the one packing it all up and removing it!

Dh and I were both spanked as children and neither of us were abused or damaged by it. It was not very often, but I can say that I probably needed it more than I got it..
I have no problem with spanking- however, I DO have a problem with the Pearls' teachings of " punishing until whimpering or unable to breathe"...that IS abuse and should never be tolerated or condoned.

Oiy... I just opened myself up for some serious online beatings myself.....
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Postby BrownEyedGirly » Tue Mar 02, 2010 11:33 am

My take is this: if you swat once- it's a spanking by definition, so... even if you say " we don't spank, but we swat on the hiney once or twice- you are in fact spanking.


I don't agree, Claire. Surprised? ;) I do not swat to inflict pain, cause crying, or as a method of discipline. It is to get his attention and distract him from what he is doing that is misbehavior or harmful. When spanking is used to inflict pain - whether to teach a lesson or not - that does not jive with me. I do not want to willingly inflict pain on my child.
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Postby Snowreen » Tue Mar 02, 2010 11:35 am

Quote:
My take is this: if you swat once- it's a spanking by definition, so... even if you say " we don't spank, but we swat on the hiney once or twice- you are in fact spanking.


I don't agree, Claire. Surprised? ;) I do not swat to inflict pain, cause crying, or as a method of discipline. It is to get his attention and distract him from what he is doing that is misbehavior or harmful. When spanking is used to inflict pain - whether to teach a lesson or not - that does not jive with me. I do not want to willingly inflict pain on my child.


I agree with Andi. I don't think a little swat (more like a firm pat) on the butt is spanking at all. Like Andi said, there is NO WAY it hurts her.
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Postby mcginnisc » Tue Mar 02, 2010 12:05 pm

I'm going by definition though... by definition it IS spanking...

I don't "spank" to cause pain or inflict fear. Spanking by definition is swatting child on the behind.. period. In my opinion, if you swat once, by definition it is spanking.. it doesn't differentiate as to whether it is to inflict pain or re-direct..it is defined as swatting a child. ;)

We'll just have to disagree on this one, guys!

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Postby BrownEyedGirly » Tue Mar 02, 2010 12:13 pm

I don't "spank" to cause pain or inflict fear.


Then why are you doing it? Seriously, not being snarky. But if you are using a paddle to "swat" Lilly then isn't it to cause pain? I mean, from what I gather that is the point of spanking. To cause pain, using it as a deterrent. No?
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Postby mcginnisc » Tue Mar 02, 2010 12:36 pm

BrownEyedGirly wrote:
I don't "spank" to cause pain or inflict fear.


Then why are you doing it? Seriously, not being snarky. But if you are using a paddle to "swat" Lilly then isn't it to cause pain? I mean, from what I gather that is the point of spanking. To cause pain, using it as a deterrent. No?


It is to get her attention. Seriously, we've tried time outs, taking things away- her currency is spankings. That's it. That is the only thing that works with her. She could care less if she has no toys because she has such an imagination she will play without them. She doesn't care about time outs either because they don't affect her at all. She just smiles, and sits there without moving. She doesn't whine, cry or ask to get up. She just grins and bears it. It leaves me shaking my head. I hated time outs worse than anything when I was younger. It bored me senseless.
I haven't found anything else that even affects Lilly in the least little bit, except for a swat on the behind. She always gets hugs and kisses and a discussion before and after the spanking. We don't spank when angry..if I'm that angry- I send her to her room and I pray before going in there. That cools me down and then I usually end up just talking to her instead of spanking her.

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Postby kateandpipsmama » Tue Mar 02, 2010 1:11 pm

We do spank our kids when it is needed. We usually do time-outs, but occasionally we do spank. If I'm honest it's usually when I'm at a point of just plain fed up with their behavior. It's like the ultimate consequence in our house. I don't consider spanking child abuse, but it CAN be child abuse if done wrong. My spankings are "swats" not beatings. I very rarely feel the need to spank, because usually a time out is all it takes to correct their behavior, but sometimes they are just being willfully disobedient as someone put it. I also do not believe in using objects to hit kids, because it is so much easier for someone to lose control with an object than with an open hand where you feel exactly how hard you are spanking.
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Postby meandmine_09 » Tue Mar 02, 2010 2:28 pm

This is an area that I've been changing my thoughts on now for a while. I'm headed towards not spanking.

My reasoning is that I'm one of those parents that does get frustrated, impatient and yes a little upset at times with the kids. I find that when I'm feeling patient and kind and loving, I find other ways to discipline. For me, the need to spank only usually enters my mind when I'm feeling frustrated, impatient or upset. So, I just think I need to drop it. Not good for me or my sweet boys.

My parents spanked (not abused) me and I deserved every last one of them. But, to this day, I will point blank tell my dad that he was lying when he said... "this is going to hurt me more than it hurt you." lol Also, I didn't and still don't want someone "loving on" me after they have inflicted physical pain on me. So, for ME, I think I'm going to steer away from spanking from now on.
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Postby Dr Pepper » Tue Mar 02, 2010 3:54 pm

mswenson wrote:I understand this could get heated but I just am trying to understand spanking and why people choose to.

We don't spank. One of the reasons is that I don't believe in inflicting pain to make a point or to discipline. I also don't consider a swift swat on the booty to be "spanking."

Is the point of spanking supposed to inflict pain!? How could anyone, let alone Christians, hit a child with a rod or belt/whatever?!?!?!?!? I really truly don't get it!!!!

Do these people (Pearls) really think the bible has told us to do this?! Do you believe it (that the bible wants us to strike our children)?!!?

Add anything....

Many of the questions posted here and elsewhere in this thread seem to be rhetorical questions rather than questions to come to true understanding. This is not a spanking discussion I'd like to enter. If someone is looking to really understand me and what I believe about the Bible and about loving and disciplining a child, I am usually happy to enter that discussion. This looks like another chance to be made to feel like a dead beat mom for the choices we have conviction about....
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Postby Snowreen » Tue Mar 02, 2010 4:01 pm

mswenson wrote:
I understand this could get heated but I just am trying to understand spanking and why people choose to.

We don't spank. One of the reasons is that I don't believe in inflicting pain to make a point or to discipline. I also don't consider a swift swat on the booty to be "spanking."

Is the point of spanking supposed to inflict pain!? How could anyone, let alone Christians, hit a child with a rod or belt/whatever?!?!?!?!? I really truly don't get it!!!!

Do these people (Pearls) really think the bible has told us to do this?! Do you believe it (that the bible wants us to strike our children)?!!?

Add anything....

Many of the questions posted here and elsewhere in this thread seem to be rhetorical questions rather than questions to come to true understanding. This is not a spanking discussion I'd like to enter. If someone is looking to really understand me and what I believe about the Bible and about loving and disciplining a child, I am usually happy to enter that discussion. This looks like another chance to be made to feel like a dead beat mom for the choices we have conviction about....


I admit that coming off of the Pearls thingy, I might have been just spewing questions. It is hard for me to understand why people spank (to inflict pain) and I am not an expert on the bible so I was curious and interested. I didn't post the questions to your liking - sorry. :dontknow:

I'm not sure if I've offended you in some way but I don't think I've ever implied that anyone here is a dead beat mom. :?
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