Update on our adoption :)
I had to re-register as kellyowens2 because I closed my previous email account and forgot to change my email addy in my control panel
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Devin came home to us June 19th after a little over 6wks of visitation. He did great for the first week or so since he had been with us for up to 4 overnights during visitation. He came down with a stomach bug in the second week though and the tantrums began full force. I think he realized at that point he wasn't going "home" (he was in the same foster home since birth).
The following six weeks were *tough*!! We had no idea what to do about the violent tantrums but knew we couldn't let him hurt himself and others which he was doing multiple times a day. Oddly enough, we discovered a quick spray in the face with a squirt bottle was usually enough to bring him back to sensibility. My mother-in-law does this with her cats and so I thought "why not"
Well, it's been an effective tool, among other discoveries, now for the last 3 months.
Devin turned 2 in August and has since begun verbalizing more and more. It's been such a relief to be able to communicate with him and get the verification that he understands. By God's good grace we're now able to give him tools to manage his anger with words and self-control rather than self-injury, screaming, and violence. He is such a delight to all of us...and himself...now
For his b-day his foster family came to visit. I was really concerned about it because I thought maybe it was too soon. We had been in regular contact with them (they live 2 1/2hrs away) but I hadn't talked with Devin about them since placement. A couple of days prior I began to show him pics of his foster family and tell him they were coming. It had been a couple of months since he had seen them and he didn't seem to recognize them or be interested in the pics. When they arrived he again didn't seem to recognize them but I think it gradually sunk in and he began calling his foster mom "Mama" which is what he used to call her. When I had showed him pics I called her "grandma" but he remembered her as "Mama"
. The visit went well but he seemed confused when they left. He was out of sorts for a few days but then perked up again later in the week. Although I was really apprehensive about the visit it went really well and was actually an affirmation for me that I am really "THE MAMA" now...when he was tired, hungry, or wanted something he would come to me and not his foster mom.
We had our 3 month visit with the caseworker in September which went beautifully. She asked if we'd like her to keep us in mind in case another child becomes available and we said yes. We'll let tomorrow take care of itself...for now we're just trying to focus on the current adoption which will be finalized in December (I can't wait!!!!)
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In the foster home Devin had daily belly aches that were attributed to his heavy prenatal drug exposure. A lot of times the tantrums were initially triggered by these belly aches. We've eliminated some common digestive offenders and began giving him organic tummy tea for children and they're now, thankfully, a rarity.
The one thing we haven't been able to work through is his apparent addiction to food. Seriously, he eats for comfort and would eat constantly when stressed if we let him. I'm wondering if maybe he does have a slight dip in blood sugar just prior to meals so I've been feeding him small "meals" every hour to see if it helps. Has anyone else experienced this with their kids who were born drug-addicted? Just wondering if maybe it's related. He doesn't want just any food, he wants carbs...preferably junk food (which we don't have in the house ever). He's extremely happy and almost euphoric when he gets candy or sweet baked goods...it's really ridiculous the way he gets frantic when he sees sugary foods!! I have never seen a kid get like that over food before
We're really looking forward to finalization in December and are feeling so blessed to have Devin a part of our family. We already feel like he's always been with us
. All of my kids have adapted beautifully. My youngest is 4 months older than Devin and very much enjoys being a big sister which works out great because Devin really likes being "the baby"
My youngest son (8yrs old) loves having a little brother...this is what he had hoped for when we began pursuing adoption.
So far the only questions we've had out in public is inquiries as to whether my two youngest are twins (I have a double jogging stroller that I use when we're out). Devin is bi-racial (AA/CC) but because of our N/A heritage two of my children are very very dark complected with dark hair and eyes so we haven't faced any of the transracial family issues yet. Devin has many AA features and is a beautiful little boy...I believe as he gets older and outgrows the toddler look some of those issues may arise. We're hoping for the best though and know God has a plan for Devin's life.
On that note, I often struggle with insecurity. I'm Devin's adoptive mom but am I the best mom for him? I get impatient, lose my temper, don't always make the best choices, etc...It's been a challenge because I wonder about the adoptive families out there who maybe could have offered him more or something better than my meager attempts at meeting all of his many needs. Then I remind myself that because God placed him in our home, in our family, we *are* the right family for Devin. I am Devin's mom by the will of God and that makes me the *right* mom...I won't say I'm the "best" mom...still feeling my own inadequacies too much for that
God has been so good to us and I know He'll be the same good and gracious God to Devin.
Anyway, just wanted to give an update on our journey and share some of my thoughts.
Hope you're all doing well!
Take Care!
